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Humor
Nov 12, 2008 20:58:49 GMT -5
Post by canadianbacon on Nov 12, 2008 20:58:49 GMT -5
I felt like we needed humor here too... ;D
My mother has a "lead foot," so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia.
Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car.
"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer.
"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?
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Humor
Nov 12, 2008 21:03:30 GMT -5
Post by canadianbacon on Nov 12, 2008 21:03:30 GMT -5
Forget Rednecks, Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, You may live in Canada .
If someone in a Home Depot store Offers you assistance and they don't work there, You may live in Canada .
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You may live in Canada .
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation With someone who dialed a wrong number, You may live in Canada .
If 'Vacation' means going anywhere South of Detroit for the weekend, You may live in Canada .
If you measure distance in hours, You may live in Canada .
If you know several people Who have hit a deer more than once, You may live in Canada .
If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' In the same day and back again, You may live in Canada .
If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow During a raging blizzard without flinching, You may live in Canada .
If you install security lights on your house and garage, But leave both unlocked, You may live in Canada .
If you carry jumpers in your car And your wife knows how to use them, You may live in Canada .
If you design your kid's Halloween costume To fit over a snowsuit, You may live in Canada .
If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km -- You're going 90 and everybody is passing you, You may live in Canada .
If driving is better in the winter Because the potholes are filled with snow, You may live in Canada .
If you know all 4 seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, And road construction, You may live in Canada .
If you have more miles On your snow blower than your car, You may live in Canada .
If you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly', You may live in Canada .
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Humor
Nov 15, 2008 23:15:23 GMT -5
Post by reallife on Nov 15, 2008 23:15:23 GMT -5
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Humor
Nov 15, 2008 23:22:30 GMT -5
Post by reallife on Nov 15, 2008 23:22:30 GMT -5
Police dog fail
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Humor
Nov 16, 2008 6:11:42 GMT -5
Post by flippingout on Nov 16, 2008 6:11:42 GMT -5
My friend Jill comes from a "rich" family and she's somewhat accustomed to being allowed to do just as she pleases without regard to possible consequences. One day, she was en route to the bank to deposit a check and withdraw a sum of money for a transaction. Jill was speeding like a mad man. A trooper pulled over. Jill, ever the snob, was annoyed and advised the trooper that he better make it quick, as she had to get to the bank. The trooper wrote her a citation and said, "Great. Don't forget to get enough to pay your ticket."
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Humor
Nov 16, 2008 7:46:49 GMT -5
Post by md32350 on Nov 16, 2008 7:46:49 GMT -5
Always check your childs homework.
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Humor
Nov 19, 2008 18:20:32 GMT -5
Post by canadianbacon on Nov 19, 2008 18:20:32 GMT -5
The 12 Days Of Thanksgiving
On the First Day..... We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.
On the Second Day..... We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.
On the Third Day..... We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies.
On the Fourth Day..... We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we'd be celebrating Thanksgiving until April.
On the Fifth Day..... We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of naked turkey carcass.
On the Sixth Day..... We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.
On the Seventh Day..... We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.
On the Eighth Day..... The word ''vegetarian' ' keeps popping into our heads.
On the Ninth Day..... We check our hair to make sure we're not beginning to sprout feathers.
On the Tenth Day..... We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler.
On the Eleventh Day..... We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight.
On the Twelfth Day..... We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers. And everybody says Amen.
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Humor
Nov 19, 2008 19:40:51 GMT -5
Post by reallife on Nov 19, 2008 19:40:51 GMT -5
The 12 Days Of Thanksgiving On the First Day..... We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings. On the Second Day..... We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls. On the Third Day..... We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies. On the Fourth Day..... We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we'd be celebrating Thanksgiving until April. On the Fifth Day..... We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of naked turkey carcass. On the Sixth Day..... We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental. On the Seventh Day..... We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza. On the Eighth Day..... The word ''vegetarian' ' keeps popping into our heads. On the Ninth Day..... We check our hair to make sure we're not beginning to sprout feathers. On the Tenth Day..... We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler. On the Eleventh Day..... We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight. On the Twelfth Day..... We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers. And everybody says Amen. That was cute!
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Humor
Nov 22, 2008 22:40:40 GMT -5
Post by canadianbacon on Nov 22, 2008 22:40:40 GMT -5
Laughter To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing Cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
5. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'For Marijuana'
6.Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
7.Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat. Do this with a serious face.
8.Specify that your drive-through order is 'To Go'.
9.Sing along at the opera.
10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
11. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I Won! I Won!'
12. When Leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
13. Tell your children over dinner, 'due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'
14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity... make your friends smile. It's called ... THERAPY
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Humor
Nov 22, 2008 23:11:54 GMT -5
Post by reallife on Nov 22, 2008 23:11:54 GMT -5
OMG! I needed to laugh like that!
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Humor
Nov 29, 2008 20:33:11 GMT -5
Post by reallife on Nov 29, 2008 20:33:11 GMT -5
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Humor
Dec 2, 2008 19:10:11 GMT -5
Post by canadianbacon on Dec 2, 2008 19:10:11 GMT -5
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day?
I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree
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Humor
Dec 2, 2008 21:07:53 GMT -5
Post by md32350 on Dec 2, 2008 21:07:53 GMT -5
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Humor
Dec 2, 2008 21:16:36 GMT -5
Post by canadianbacon on Dec 2, 2008 21:16:36 GMT -5
MD should we assume you are not big on the whole Christmas decoration thing? LOL. I personally like your little "beat yourself up" pic. Very funny ;D
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Humor
Dec 3, 2008 1:37:37 GMT -5
Post by reallife on Dec 3, 2008 1:37:37 GMT -5
MD should we assume you are not big on the whole Christmas decoration thing? LOL. I personally like your little "beat yourself up" pic. Very funny ;D That is funny!
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