thevoice
Full Member
News the way it should be
Posts: 249
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Humor
Feb 22, 2009 17:27:13 GMT -5
Post by thevoice on Feb 22, 2009 17:27:13 GMT -5
I don't want people to think I'm better then them but, I've upgraded to digital TV. It's so much better!
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Humor
Feb 23, 2009 18:08:52 GMT -5
Post by canadianbacon on Feb 23, 2009 18:08:52 GMT -5
Victoria's Secret
Sheer Nightgown
A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for
his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500
in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for
the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to
his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy-), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
He never heard the shot. Funeral on Thursday at Noon . Closed coffin.
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Humor
Feb 24, 2009 14:55:24 GMT -5
Post by cowboyvoice on Feb 24, 2009 14:55:24 GMT -5
Who can say this sentence? The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
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Humor
Feb 27, 2009 6:03:06 GMT -5
Post by cowboyvoice on Feb 27, 2009 6:03:06 GMT -5
Two Sticks
We know a guy who was so dumb his teacher gave him two sticks and he became a drummer, but lost one and became a conductor.
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Humor
Mar 1, 2009 6:36:49 GMT -5
Post by cowboyvoice on Mar 1, 2009 6:36:49 GMT -5
Clumsy Ad Copy - No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
- For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
- Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
- Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
- Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
- Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
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Humor
Mar 3, 2009 19:55:17 GMT -5
Post by cowboyvoice on Mar 3, 2009 19:55:17 GMT -5
What is ideal Flight Deck complement for a modern airliner?
A Captain, a Co-pilot and a dog. The dog is there to bite the captain if he tries to touch the controls, and the co-pilot is there to feed the dog.
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Humor
Mar 4, 2009 5:05:06 GMT -5
Post by cowboyvoice on Mar 4, 2009 5:05:06 GMT -5
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."
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Humor
Mar 11, 2009 14:21:51 GMT -5
Post by cowboyvoice on Mar 11, 2009 14:21:51 GMT -5
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
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Humor
Mar 13, 2009 9:45:54 GMT -5
Post by cowboyvoice on Mar 13, 2009 9:45:54 GMT -5
Then the fight started
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lady was looking in the mirror and turned to her husband and said, "Honey, I'm so old, fat and ugly, can you give me a compliment?" The husband said, "Well, dear, your eyesight is perfect."
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Humor
Mar 25, 2009 19:01:52 GMT -5
Post by canadianbacon on Mar 25, 2009 19:01:52 GMT -5
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison again filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and as he rushed into Bubba's yard clutching a rosary preparing to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted, "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
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Humor
Mar 31, 2009 4:35:08 GMT -5
Post by cowboyvoice on Mar 31, 2009 4:35:08 GMT -5
While on patrol one day, a state trooper got behind a car which was going quite slow. Curious, as to why they moved so slow the trooper pulled closer and saw 4 ladies all with gray hair.
Realizing he'd better do something before an accident happened, he turned on his lights and the driver pulled to a stop.
Politely, the trooper informed the driver that she was driving well below the speed limit.
"Oh my!" Said the driver pointing to the hwy marker. "I'm doing the speed that it says to be doing!. Am I not noticing something different?"
"Ma'am" The trooper said with a smile. "That's a hwy marker, it tells you that you're on hwy 46 in this state"
"Oh dear" Said the driver. "I will pay more attention to the signs then officer, thank you for being so polite!"
"You're welcome ma'am" The trooper replies and then looks in the second seat and the two ladies are sitting there with looks of terror and fear on their faces.
"Ma'am" the trooper says in a concerned voice. "I sure don't like the looks of the two ladies in the back. Are they all right?"
"Oh yes" the driver said. "We just got off hwy 119"
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Humor
Apr 5, 2009 10:10:32 GMT -5
Post by dobbie on Apr 5, 2009 10:10:32 GMT -5
my wife we needed to go out on a date again, so I went but when I got back home she was gone.
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Humor
Apr 5, 2009 10:13:00 GMT -5
Post by dobbie on Apr 5, 2009 10:13:00 GMT -5
My wife said that we needed to go out on a date, so I went but when I got back she was gone.
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Humor
Apr 7, 2009 14:05:09 GMT -5
Post by cowboyvoice on Apr 7, 2009 14:05:09 GMT -5
How do you know when you're staying in a Arkansas hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."
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thevoice
Full Member
News the way it should be
Posts: 249
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Humor
Apr 26, 2009 11:06:02 GMT -5
Post by thevoice on Apr 26, 2009 11:06:02 GMT -5
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